Having children means countless hours of teaching manners and table etiquette, but when you have a child with special needs those countless hours can seem hopelessly ineffective. I know for our family with my two oldest we were able to go anywhere out to eat. I never worried about my children’s manners or behavior. Looking at where we are now it’s like night and day. We probably only go out a small handful of times a year and honestly have given up on reaching a desired level of manners that the average stranger would expect from an 11 year old. I guess you can say we gave up trying and decided to just accept his table manners.

Recently, I found a book called Manners Matter! This kind of slapped me in the face and told me to not give up. This book is a part of the Temple Talks to Kids Series and everyone in our family respects and appreciates Temple and her story. She is an amazing woman that has brought Autism to the front line and I guess you could say normalized it for those who are on the spectrum and their families. I remember reading her story and thinking how brave she was and how strong her mom was to push Temple forward and to not just shrink in the background. I walked away honestly feeling that was not us, we couldn’t get to that level. That was several years ago and my son has made a lot farther than I thought, but we do still sit in the background and never push too hard.

What this little book did though was give me an amazing visual tool to present using manners like I have never tried before. Who needs a book to explain manners to them? Obviously, this mom and my very visual learner do. Even though this is a fairly short book, I have a lot of neat things to share about it. First off Kaden and I both enjoyed reading the personal note from Temple and the brief bio about her. We also right away noticed the centering alignment of all the words. It made it very easy to read both silently and out loud for Kaden. He tends to get overwhelmed reading out loud with a full sheet of words, which he tends to transfer to note-cards to make it easier. I also noticed the illustrations were large pictures with on point facial expressions that made it easier to determine the character’s feelings. 

The story starts out with an introduction and a little look into Temple’s life as a child and how Autism was part of her life back then. While you read how the manners she was expected to learn as a child wasn’t her favorite thing to do, she found as she grew older, they were important to have. She explains how manners are social rules that people follow to get along. And there is a nice emphasis on learning these takes time and work, you may forget and that’s fine. Temple needed a lot of encouragement and prompting from her mom. This was reassuring for both of us to learn. We decided to make a list of manners as we read because while Temple explained the illustrations showed different scenarios that went along with what we were reading.

We read about basic manners like please, excuse me and thank you. One thing that connected with Kaden was when she explained how we all like to be acknowledged and it makes us feel seen and loved. Kaden just doesn’t want to talk and engage with anyone especially when he is preoccupied with something. But, having these manners will be important growing up and will leave a great impression on others which is important to him as he gets older. When she explains table manners, I was happy to see the illustrations of a child with a messy face and a caption sharing that she should wipe her face with a napkin. These are great reminders that honestly never cross his mind. I also see the gentle reminders peppered throughout the story to us parents too about having patience and staying calm. As the story continues Temple shares the other ways, she practiced manners, like while playing games, shopping and group settings with friends. And in the very back is a reference section for us parents, teachers, and caregivers. 

I believe this book is a must for anyone with kids on the spectrum. Not only will it give you a place to refer to while teaching manners, but the story line is so easy for kids of all ages to digest and truly enjoy reading while learning about manners. All the manners listed are very typical and important both in and out of the home. I thought they were practical and offered realistic scenarios we could all relate to. Kaden was able to look at manners in a different way, not as just one more rule to follow. But, a way to live more harmonious with others and show compassion and consideration for how others feel. I look forward to growing our collection of other books in this series.

-Product review by Sheila Quach, The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, LLC, November, 2018

Manners Matter!

Temple Talks to Kids Series

Veronica Zysk

Introduction by Temple Grandin

Future Horizons, Inc

www.FHautism.com

800-489-0727

721 W. Abram Street

Arlington, TX 76013

In the first book of the Temple Talks to Kids Series, author Veronica Zysk details the importance of basic manners in social situations. While this book is written for children on the Autism spectrum, it is beneficial for all young children. The artwork and content is right on track for early elementary aged children or those at that ability level.

Children learn that people will, rightly or wrongly, make judgment calls about the kind of person they are based on their behavior. Manners go a long way toward making and keeping friends, and working and playing with others.

The book discusses, in a friendly fashion, three important types of manners; “always manners” (please, thank you, and excuse me), table manners (chewing with your mouth closed, asking to be excused, and clearing your place), and other important manners that keep us kind (sharing, keeping mean thoughts to ourselves, and knocking on closed doors).

An encouraging note from Dr. Temple Grandin to the young readers explains how crucial manners were when she was growing up. All children learned how important it was to use good manners and how having good manners helped one get along in society despite feelings of awkwardness. While being unique is fine, being rude is not.

Temple talks frankly in the first few pages about growing up with autism. Of course, in the 1950s there wasn't as much known about autism. The book relates well to today's children by mentioning losing her favorite TV show for misbehavior. That's one of the consequences we use here in our home for rude conduct.

Manners Matter! is a quality paperback with full color illustrations on 43 pages which includes a 20 bonus tips section for adults who live and work with children on the spectrum. Neurotypical children tend to pick up social niceties more easily, often just through observation and a bit of prompting when they are young. Our spectrum children often require direct instruction and much repetition. This adorable book is a wonderful start. I'm looking forward to seeing the books planned for the future in this series.

-Product review by Jodi Galland, The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, LLC, November, 2018