Perhaps, like me, you have read far too many Christian parenting books. They all say, “if you do A, your kids will do B.” It is as if the behavior of these small people depends entirely on your parenting. I know some of you will say, “Of course it does.” That line of logic puts a huge amount of pressure on parents, especially the parents who try very hard to be the “right” kind of parent, making the “right” kinds of discipline decisions, but are still dealing with difficult to parent children, strong-willed children, and children with special needs. In Parenting with Words of Grace: Building Relationships with Your Children One Conversation at a Time, author William P. Smith makes the radical claim that our children are autonomous beings! That seems disheartening, but it is quite beautiful and freeing. Nature and nurture certainly help mold these little people we are raising, but in the end, we do not get all the credit or all the blame.

Rather than a book about correcting or disciplining our children, Mr. Smith's book guides parents in relationship building using our choice of words and sprinkling our conversations with the same grace that God uses in His dealings with us. As parents, we show young people a lot about who God is by our actions. Have you ever been correcting a child and felt that little prick in your soul and you just know God is calling you out for that very same infraction? Think about how you would prefer that He gave you the same talk you are having right then. I know He would not be speaking the way I sometimes do. Then, once those conversations devolve into less than grace full speech and tones, it becomes a bit of a habit. All our interactions are colored with that tone.

This book is divided into four sections; Part 1: The Vision, Part 2: The Hope, Part 3: The Skill of Encouragement, and Part 4: The Skill of Honesty. The author himself uses so much grace in this book as he guides you to find your grace-filled voice. You will not find condemnation directed at your parenting skills in this book. No guilt trips. No fear-mongering. My favorite part was using Ephesians 4:29 as a basis for all our interactions with our children. We not only build our relationships with them but also help them to build their own relationships with God.

Scripture is sprinkled throughout, though not usually directly quoted, and is often discussed in detail. This is a wonderful way to get you in God's Word and reading the scripture references for yourself, in your preferred translation. Looking up the verses on your own really brings the points home. Smith reminds us that in eternity, our children will be our peers, that our age difference when we are thousands of years old will be negligible. We should be inviting our children into a personal relationship with Christ. I have been thinking about wanting to raise amazing Christian men in this world. What I had forgotten was that my most important goal is not to get them to shine a light in this life, but to have eternal life in Christ.

Parenting with Words of Grace is a paperback book of 208 pages, including the foreword by Paul David Tripp and the afterword. This is followed by the general index, a scriptural index, and several pages for writing notes. I think you will want to take notes. It retails for $14.99 in the US. This book is also available in electronic format.

If you only pick up one new parenting guide ever again, I recommend it be Parenting with Words of Grace. It is completely different from the other books you have read. While other books focus on behavior, this book directs you to build communication and relationship with your children with eternity in mind. You will be keeping God at the center of your relationships with your children and keeping your children interested in spending time with you.

Product review by Jodi Galland, The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, LLC, October 2019