3 Reasons To Teach Children Friendship Boundaries
“We’re sorry, but that’s what we decided. You’ll have to tell Cassie that we don’t think it’s best for you to sit with them.”
I still remember the disappointment my parents’ decision caused me as a young teen. With few girls my age, the ache in my heart for friendship was a continual one. But now, over ten years later, I’m thankful for my parents choosing what was best for me, despite the discomfort at the time. In this particular case, they saw character flaws in my friends that would have caused me to stumble in my budding relationship with Christ. But just as importantly, they also taught me an oft-forgotten ingredient for lasting friendships—boundaries.
The Beauty of Boundaries
While often viewed as a kill-joy, boundaries are actually the growth-space that help friendships bloom. Especially with technology like social media, smartphones, and instant messaging that allow 24/7 access to anyone on a contact list, teaching boundaries is one of the best relational skills we can train our children in. Some areas to consider having boundaries are the following:
Frequency
Proverbs 25:17 warns us to withdraw our foot from our neighbor’s hate lest they come to hate us for the continual intrusion. Friends—even best friends—need their space. Be it via text messaging, FaceTiming, or literal walking to a friend’s house, it’s important for children—and adults—to be temperate in how often they interact with their friends. These boundaries are long overdue if there is disruption with sleeping habits, school, and chore responsibilities or family time.
Moral
Obviously, the moral fiber to say, “No” to temptation is a virtue all children need. But moral boundaries could also be differences in what the parents’ of your child’s friends allow, but you do not. It could mean saying, “No. I can’t FaceTime after 8:00 p.m.” or “My parents’ prefer I don’t watch those kinds of movies.” It also means respecting the boundaries of another’s household. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you or your child, it’s an act of love to that family to respect their personal boundaries.
Time
We are often drawn to friends who have strengths we lack. This is a tremendous gift, one of the many ways the Body of Christ edifies itself. But if your child is constantly asking a friend for help or to spend time with them then this gift might be disintegrating into a grief. Teach your child to monitor his requests and be sensitive to his friends’ other responsibilities, relationships, and the time they require.
The world will never have enough people who know how to be a good friend. Every investment you make in your child’s friendship education will never be wasted.
Kenzi Knapp is a follower of Christ, homeschool graduate and student of history. A fourth generation Missourian she enjoys writing about daily life enrolled in Gods great course of faith and His story throughout the ages at her blog, Honey Rock Hills.
