The Long Haul

This is the time of year when I usually felt the full effects of homeschool burnout. As I faced my own struggle with mild depression, and a lack of daylight, I would often also struggle with whether or not I was doing enough to help my children learn.

Here is the thing I learned along the way: home education is a long haul, not a sprint. This was a lifestyle we had chosen, a calling we had accepted from God, and there were no shortcuts. Are you in it for the long haul? Are you doubting your abilities? Do you suffer from homeschool burnout… or even just mom burnout? You are not alone!

Because we spend so much one on one, or one on three or four, time with our children, we get to know their learning strengths and struggles intimately. The thing is, our children do not come with a built-in warning label telling us what special care they may need. It’s not like reading the special care label on your favorite sweater. Sometimes we can spot those differences that one child has easily: they might need glasses, have problems adding numbers, or be colorblind. Other times, the struggle is much more nuanced. Do they have a processing disorder? Are they dyslexic or have dysgraphia? Or maybe, they’re just slower than other children to learn to read?

Being in it for the long haul means that you do not panic every time your child hits a roadblock in their learning. It means trying your best to help them learn, giving them coping tools, and encouraging them to try again. Sometimes it means getting professional help.

Ack! – Did she just say that?!?

Yes, I did! Sometimes you must accept that there are more needs than you alone can help your child overcome. Maybe they need a medical diagnosis for a struggle. Sometimes they need occupational or behavioral therapy to overcome a challenge, and some days, they just need extra hugs and encouragement. Admitting you need help is often the best way to sort through all the possibilities.

There will be challenges that you will never get an answer for. A tough thing to accept, but necessary. That is why we call them struggles or challenges instead of problems, because while our children may always struggle with them, we never want our kids to think that they themselves are a problem.

When your child hits a roadblock, you start out in a position of not knowing. Is this a normal hurdle? Do they need extra time? Am I pushing them too hard? Do they need outside help? Should I change my teaching style? All these thoughts and more are rolling through your mind as a parent. My encouragement to you is to stop and pray. In the book of James, we are exhorted to ask God when we lack wisdom, and told we must not be double-minded, but simply put our trust in God to give us the answer.

Here is the kicker: sometimes God’s answer is not what you want to hear. Can you be okay with that? Can you trust God enough to place your child’s education in His hands and leave it there? There may be a particular struggle that you never get a definite answer for. If you never learn why they struggle, can you still be in it for the long haul? Can you trust that teaching them about the love of God and salvation through Christ is more important than if they are ever an academic standout? If you are struggling with this, get on our knees and ask God for mercy – not for your child – but for yourself. You see, we are not called to raise up the next generation of MIT scholarship winners; we are called to train up our child in the ways of God.

Your child may a brilliant scientist someday, or they may be a loving pastor. They may be a world-renowned architect, or they may be known as the mom or dad on the block with the best cookies. These are all valid outcomes.

There is another option to think about when your child hits a roadblock: learning to overcome. Sometimes God gives us little glimpses of understanding into why our children struggle with a subject or process. When He reveals that to you, how are you going to address it in their schoolwork? For some struggles, there are exercises your child can do to improve them. This was the case with our youngest daughter when we finally understood she struggled mightily with dysgraphia. Although she was much older than most kids are when that knowledge struck us, it was alight bulb moment. No, she did not enjoy the Occupational Therapy type of daily exercises, but she did them. And slowly, things got better. Now, several years later, I am in awe of how much she has overcome. It was totally worth being her least favorite person while she did the OT exercises.

For other issues your child may face, there may not be a simple solution. Are you still in this for the long haul? Good! Help them figure out a socially and age appropriate way to cope with their challenge. If they are easily overwhelmed in groups, do you let them wear noise dampening headphones out in public? Or, if they are easily distracted, do you have them sit in the front of the room at co-op where there are fewer visual distractions from the other kids? If you can put away your unease about your child being viewed as different, then they will not care either. It is only because we (parents) were taught by other kids while growing up that because certain things were cool, they should matter to us. You took the step to educate your children at home. You are in it for the long haul. You decide what is cool or not for your own family. How much more fulfilling it is to rest in the peace of God than to chase after popularity. This is the lesson your children need to learn from you this month.

Burnout? It will still happen, but you will get your second wind. Challenges? I’m pretty sure Jesus guaranteed us that we would face them. But we do not face the future alone – God is fighting for us, for our children, and for our families. Trust Him!

Carol and her husband Kurt are in their 15th year of home education. With one graduate and one high school senior, Carol writes with a practical look at the whole journey of home education. Focusing on experienced based education and frugal ways to teach and learn well, Carol offers encouragement that anyone, even working moms, can homeschool successfully. Carol writes for her local newspaper, the TOS Homeschool Review Crew, and reviews books for several Christian Publishers. You can find her love of nature, field trips, and lifelong learning on her blog: Home Sweet Life.