Mama, What Does Overwhelmed Mean?

I cried in front of my five-year-old. I could not help it. Everyone was calling me. I was not getting a lot of work done. My child was especially playful and talkative. In Filipino, we call this being “makulit.” Search for the translation of that, and the definition would not give it justice. “Playful” is the apt meaning for it. He kept asking me to look for things on the internet. My in-laws were their typical loud selves in the morning. I could usually block out their voices, but there was something about that day that just triggered a number of emotions and I just lost it. In my tiny workspace beside my child, I broke down and let the tears flow out. 

I was surprised by my kindergartener’s reaction. “What is the matter, Mama?” He cupped my face in his tiny hands and gently planted a kiss on my cheek. At his young age, he already knows how to empathize. Is empathy learned? I will leave that question to the experts.

I said to him, “Mama is just feeling very much overwhelmed right now.” He looked at me, back to his five-year-old self, “What does ‘overwhelmed’ mean?” So with my wet face, trying to regain my composure, I explained that overwhelmed is when I feel there are too many things to do; and I cannot seem to do anything right. I feel really stressed right now. He already knows what “being stressed” means.

In moments like this, I cannot help but think how did I get myself into this situation? Was homeschooling our child the right decision? And I just close my eyes and pray. I ask God for strength, wisdom, and patience. Let me get through this day without raising my voice at my husband and child. The tongue is the scariest body part. And also I take a sip of water. I find that I am really, really tired when I do not make the effort to hydrate myself.  

The world seemed to stop for a minute. I calmed down. My child also quieted down. I hugged him and thanked God for the wonderful opportunity thrown at my husband and me to be able to homeschool our little boy. I remember a question my child asked a few nights later which reminded me that we are on the right track. Giving our child a home education is one of the best decisions we ever made. Out of the blue, my little boy asked, “What year did the Pilgrims land on Plymouth?” I thought he was not listening when I was reading Three Young Pilgrims. Honestly, I did not remember the year when the Pilgrims landed. But because he asked and we researched together, the year “1620” is already etched inside our heads now. I would like to think that with homeschooling, we are depositing our children with a holistic education that they can make use of in the future.   

Our days are not always perfect. There are times we cover many, many things in the morning. And at the same time, I finish work early. But there are also times when that sense of being overwhelmed visits me again. I just close my eyes and breathe. 

And pray. 

I am learning a lot about time management because of our setup. It is also a daily reminder to me that I am only human. My body has limitations no matter how willing my heart is. So even if there is that nagging feeling that I should wake up earlier or sleep later so that I could say I had been productive that day, I stop and remember the physical consequences. I will feel sleepy throughout the day and the next day and would not have enough energy to do the really important things. 

I always find this Bible verse (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV) comforting in times like this: “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” It is like having a purposeful and truly restful sleep every night. 

I look back at my breakdown episode and just smile at the thought now. If there is something positive I got from this incident, apart from my key learnings above, my little boy learned what the word “overwhelmed” means.        

Written by Katherine Tanyu

Aside from God, her family, homeschooling (and books!), Katherine's love lies in stationeries. She and her husband manage growing stationery brands Forestmill^®, Prevailed^® and Boss Stationery^TM in the Philippines. She is also the community moderator of a Facebook group for Office and School Supplies Wholesalers. Feel free to reach out to her via their Facebook page or email kmtanyu@gmail.com.