April 10, 2024 – Myth Busters: Socialization and Isolation

Mercy Every Minute

Deborah Wuehler, TOS Senior Editor

Socialized or Isolated?

Today was our homeschool group park day and thirty-five children were socializing with each other in numerous ways. From toddlers to high schoolers, they were creative, cooperative, problem-solving, caring, and not one bully among them. What a pleasure to see all of that positive socialization! These children are able to interact comfortably with every age group (including adults) in a variety of settings, instead of only age-grade peer groups. It was a delight to see!

Homeschooling done right produces the most positively socialized of all children. Curious people tend to ask first about socialization, until they get to know some of these bright children. They listen to their interactions with adults, their intelligence, their extra-curricular interests, and even learn about their community service. Suddenly, the socialization question disappears.

Some may still misunderstand home education, and think we are isolating our students from society. This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, we often have to put the “home” back in homeschooling as we are out in society so much. The only isolation they have is from a worldly agenda, disinformation, unsafe environments, and other unfortunate public-school scenarios. Even public-schooled children are isolated. They are isolated from the comfort of their own homes, a thriving healthy environment filled with things that interest them, and an environment that is conducive to real-life learning. Homeschooling parents are just choosing which kind of isolation and socialization is best.

Socialization is not just about social activities but rather positive social development. And home is a safe place from which our children learn to impact their world. We teach our kids to give of themselves, love their God, and serve their community. We are building a better society for our future in the process as we keep them Home. Where They Belong.

“He that walks with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20).

“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world” (James 1:27).

Further Resources:

• Forty years of research statistics also show the fallacy of the myth that socialization is something missing among the homeschool population. (See Dr. Brian Ray, Scholars Still Want to Know: What About Socialization?
• Deborah Wuehler answers the question, Socialization, What’s the Big Deal?
• Listen in to this week’s podcast: Hey, Mama! Homeschool Show covering this same topic!

~Deborah

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Todd Wilson

Familyman Ministries

The Myth of Isolation

Myth #1: If you don’t get your homeschooled kids out, they’ll be social freaks.

Truth: By keeping your kids at home, they’ll grow up to love family, each other, and learn the world doesn’t revolve around themselves or their own fun.

Myth #2: Kids need to be around other kids to learn how to interact in society.

Truth: Kids in healthy homes learn to be social, not only with kids their own age, but with adults, as well as children younger than themselves.

Myth #3: An only child who is homeschooled will be lonely and needs to be around other kids.

Truth: An only child who is homeschooled learns the value of the family unit by finding his or her joy in the family.

Myth #4: Homeschooling equals isolation.

Truth: Homeschooling is all about family and home. The child told that they need more than home will spend the rest of their adult life trying to escape it. Home will not be enough. They’ll need time for their friends . . . themselves . . . and will feel like family is stifling and restrictive.

Myth #5: Homeschooled children need to be involved in a co-op so they can be with other kids.

Truth: If you want to be in a co-op, do it. If not, don’t. Your kids will be fine with whatever you choose.

Myth #6: Certain social kids need to be around other kids or they’ll feel lonely.

Truth: Yes, some kids like to be around others more than some, but that doesn’t mean they need to be around kids constantly. We still want to teach our social children that home is the place where they will most likely find their happiness.

Myth #7: Todd says that homeschoolers don’t need to be around other Christians or need to be salt and light in a dying world.

Truth: Not what I said or believe! I believe the world needs to see what a redeemed family looks like. That is salt and light. And my priority, if I’m a spouse, is to my spouse, then to my children, and then to all the other people I come in contact with.

Only the truth!

Be real,
Todd

About the author

Todd Wilson is a husband, dad, grandpa, writer, homeschool conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and down to earth realness have made him a favorite speaker all across the country and a guest on Focus on the Family. As founder of The Familyman and The Smiling Homeschooler, his passion and mission are to remind moms and dads of what’s most important through weekly emails, podcasts, seminars, and books that encourage parents. Todd, and his wife Debbie, homeschool four of their eight children (the other four are homeschool graduates) in northern Indiana and travel America in the Familyman Mobile. You can read more at www.familymanweb.com.

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Stacy Farrell

HomeschoolAdventure.com

It’s a Silly Question

Whether you’re a seasoned homeschooler or just starting your homeschooling adventure, you’re sure to encounter the “socialization” question.

“Oh, you homeschool? That’s nice. I don’t know how you do it. What about socialization? My kids need to socialize!”

What’s especially funny about this question is that it’s often posed while at a social gathering like:

• Playing at the park
• Activity day at the library
• Community sports

How can we respond with grace?

Dispel Those Doubts

Start by remembering what’s true.

We all have occasional doubts regarding whether our homeschooled children will “turn out.” If you are in that place of doubt right now, consider the following:

MYTH: Spending eight hours in a room with twenty people of the same age is the perfect recipe for socialization.

REALITY: Children benefit tremendously from interacting with various ages as they learn to treat little ones with gentleness, listen to elders with respect, and relate to peers with understanding.

MYTH: It’s harmful to shelter kids from bullies and bad influences. They won’t learn how to defend themselves or to stand up for what’s right.

REALITY: Tender seedlings, like children, must develop a strong root system before they can weather the elements and thrive. That’s why greenhouses exist.

What Does Socialization Really Mean?

Let’s set aside for a minute how odd it is for people to fixate on socialization, and let’s define the concept:

• Britannica.com’s Perspective: Socialization is the process by which an individual learns to adjust to a group or society, behaving in a manner approved by that group or society.
• Merriam Webster’s Definition: Socialization is the childhood process through which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society.
• Google’s Take: Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

As parents, our goal is not to conform to societal expectations—but to nurture genuine connections, Godly character, and good manners.

Respond With Kindness

Approach the social question with patience and kindness. Take a deep breath and consider:

Your answer might be the first—and only—insight they receive into the world of homeschooling.

May your response be seasoned with grace!

His love,
Stacy

Free Resource for Teaching Good Manners
Do you look at our “selfie” society and wonder how to cultivate in your child’s heart love and respect for others? Prepare your ambassadors to reflect the love of Jesus with this free list of good manners—designed as a beautiful, printable poster!

About the author

Surprised by Jesus, Stacy went from an unmarried, childless, thirty-something career woman to a Christ-following wife of more than thirty years with two sons she homeschooled K-12. Author of more than twenty books—including the award-winning Philosophy Adventure and Food Prep Guide: A Plan for Money-Saving, Self-Sustaining Abundance in Hard Times—she loves to equip and encourage homeschool families. Visit her at HomeschoolAdventure.com and at FoodPrepGuide.com.

Pillar of Knowledge

Roger Smith

Unsocialized Homeschoolers Do Exist!

Let’s face it! There are some weird people in the world, and some of them are homeschoolers.

Strange children usually come from homes with strange parents, regardless of their educational style. So, it should not surprise anyone that there are some strange homeschoolers, because strange people also choose to home educate.

The myth is “homeschoolers are unable to interact with real humans.” This myth has been shown to be untrue in the past, and will continue to be untrue. In fact, college professors have typically found homeschoolers more engaged in the classroom, more intellectually curious, more communicative, and more likely to engage with classmates.

Do homeschoolers “not fit in”? Who wants to “fit in” with the current culture? We should want our children to be outstanding. We should want them to be different. And we should not be surprised when others accuse them of being so.

Being average is overrated! But it has always been popular.

As we train our children to pursue excellence, let us be careful to have them be excellent in love. It is love that covers a multitude of rejections and jokes about being different. Love is the standard of socialization. Let’s be guilty of that.

About the author

Dr. Roger Smith is a family doctor in rural Louisiana, where he and his wife, Jan, raised four adventurous children who are all grown, making their own mark in the world. He speaks and writes on parenting issues and produces brief videos that can be found on Facebook @ParentingMattersNow.

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