February 21, 2024 – Why Am I Depressed and How Do I Cope?

Heather Vogler

Why Am I Depressed?

Depression is challenging because it can become one’s identity. Doctors put women on anti-depression medications, leading them into a downward spiral that they cannot seem to escape. They carry a label and are fearful that they can’t change. It is who they are. Or so they think. When it comes to depression, it is best to look externally. When raising young children, I was taught by seasoned moms to look at the external factors that could be causing my child to struggle. Did he not get enough sleep the night before? Is he hungry? Is he stressed by something or being bullied? Daily struggles do not always mean something is wrong with us. If we take a step back from the situation, we can often see a simple fix. With our child, we might see that sugary cereal causes hyperactivity, but when we feed him a square meal, he is alert and well. It is the same with mom. Depression could be coming from a poor diet, too much caffeine (Sorry, friend! Just being real), excessive stimulation from screen time, or lack of sleep.  

Spiritual bitterness and unforgiveness cannot be ignored, though. Examine your heart in these areas, too. It is possible that unhealthy habits were developed due to these issues, and once they are dealt with, you can see significant changes. Stress eating, binge-watching, and retail therapy are all common traps moms fall into, which could lead to depression. Stress eating can cause cloudy thinking and judgment, binge-watching on your phone can lead to lack of sleep, and overspending can lead to undue stress over finances–all precursors to depression.

For older moms venturing into the change of life, this roller coaster of an adventure cannot be ignored. Pregnant women, those who have just given birth, or those who have had a miscarriage also see changes in their hormones. Talk to someone you trust if this is what is causing your depression. Many practical options can help. Realizing what is causing depression can help you find your way out of it. There is hope!

About the author

Heather, her husband, and five kids homeschool and homestead in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. In addition to writing on her blog, Thrift Schooling (ThriftSchooling.com), Heather has been published in several magazines including Focus on the Family, War Cry, and Brio. Heather holds a BA in Christian ministries and currently works in the marketing department of The Old Schoolhouse®.

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Todd Wilson

Familyman Ministries

Healing Depression by Being Real

I don’t know why you’re depressed . . . but I do know you’re not alone. Just about every mom on the planet feels depressed (I might even go as far as to say they suffer from depression) so you’re not alone. How can you cope? I don’t know that either . . . but what I do know is that you need to be real.

I’ve ended every email that I’ve ever written for the Homeschooling Minute (and I was here from the very first newsletter) with the simple phrase “be real.” I write it because we all have such a hard time being real. We’re afraid of what others will think about us, that they’ll gasp in horror, or that they’ll be shocked.

Of course, we shouldn’t entertain those reasons because all the people we know are just like us. They get angry, feel overwhelmed, scream until they’re hoarse, suffer times of depression, and feel like lousy wives and moms. That’s the truth. Another truth is: they’re hiding it all just like you are . . . but they’re waiting for someone to break the ice and be real.

Once you’re real, a dam breaks and everything changes. A huge invisible weight falls from your back and for the first time, people can pray for the areas that weigh you down and healing can take place. But no healing will take place if nobody prays. And no one will pray if nobody knows. And nobody will know if you don’t tell them.

So, my fellow, parent who feels lower than a snake’s belly, I don’t know what may be the cause of your feeling depressed . . . but I know the start of the answer is being real. Start with God, then your husband (if you have one), and then pick one other friend that you can be real with.

It’s going to change your life . . . I guarantee.

Be real,
Todd

About the author

Todd Wilson is a husband, dad, grandpa, writer, homeschool conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and down to earth realness have made him a favorite speaker all across the country and a guest on Focus on the Family. As founder of The Familyman and The Smiling Homeschooler, his passion and mission are to remind moms and dads of what’s most important through weekly emails, podcasts, seminars, and books that encourage parents. Todd, and his wife Debbie, homeschool four of their eight children (the other four are homeschool graduates) in northern Indiana and travel America in the Familyman Mobile. You can read more at www.familymanweb.com.

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Dara Halydier

How to Cope with Burnout and Depression

Depression is a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It is not something that one can just snap out of. Life has its ebbs and flows. One can never be always happy, but neither should one be always sad. There are many causes of depression including unresolved anger, burnout, hormonal or chemical imbalance, major life changes, and spiritual neglect.

Here is a list of symptoms of depression from the Mayo Clinic.

Finding balance in all areas of life is a life-long pursuit in the midst of constantly changing demands and responsibilities. If you are experiencing moments or occasional days of depression, you might need to schedule time for self-evaluation, couple evaluation, and family evaluation. Moms tend to burn out when they give more than they are being given. Think of a sponge. You can’t get water from a dry sponge. Neither can we give love, motivation, energy, grace, joy, etc. out of a dry heart. First, we must be filled up, then, when life squeezes us, we have cheer to spread.

The world culture is overdoing self-care right now. But Jesus first said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It’s okay to take an hour break in the middle of the day, a weekend out with your husband, or time off of school to get life back into balance.

• A daily time with God is essential for keeping your heart soft and full.
• Have systems in place such as meal plans, daily chores, and schedules.
• Don’t over plan your day. Kids need time to be bored. It’s in the in-between that creativity thrives.
• Gals, we need each other. Reach out to a friend and make a grown-up play date–fun, not brainstorming school.

For more ideas check out Taking Care of Mom: How to Avoid Burnout by Dara Halydier

Lastly, if depression continues relentlessly or you have thoughts of death or suicide, please seek professional help. There is no shame in getting help. We are all human and need each other.

About the author

Dara Halydier is a Bible teacher, a conference speaker, a mentor, author, mom to five boys and grandma of eight. She is the director of Abiding Truth Ministry. Dara teaches with humor, wisdom, and vulnerability as she reaches out to encourage and equip the next generation.

Pillar of Hope

Kerry Tittle

Helps for Dealing with Depression

Depression easily creeps in after the holidays and it isn’t biased. Yes, even Christians can get depressed. These heavy feelings can easily sneak in with the winter doldrums. Sadly, our circles can be a mixed bag as to whether it’s okay to share or not.

After two of my children and husband were killed in an F4 tornado, I was afraid to admit how I was feeling. The more I kept it in, the worse it got. I would like to tell you that I don’t struggle anymore, but that just isn’t the case.

A few things that can help:

Tell God! If you don’t believe that He hears, you need to examine your heart about what you really believe. (But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:6 ESV)

Tell a trusted source. You need someone to share with and to help hold your thoughts accountable. (For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ESV)

Diet. Seriously. Believe it or not, the way you eat greatly affects your mental health and can make you feel incredible or horrible.  

Go outside. Put away devices that encourage you to window shop for the world’s best. Not only does it fuel depression, it makes you discontent with God’s plan for you. Enjoy His creation and time with Him.

Practice gratitude. There were times I would just say, “Father, thank you and help me,” because that’s all I could utter. When you choose to become grateful and look for ways to put gratitude into practice, it honors the Lord and strengthens your relationship with Him.

Stay in the Word. Period. There will be times that nothing seems to get through. Don’t give up. 

These times are tough, friend. Hold fast to Him and what you know. Believe that God is working and making all things good. You just can’t see it yet.

About the author

Kerry Tittle is a mother of nine children and a 20-year homeschool veteran. She was the owner of ReformationKidz with her husband Rob until a tornado destroyed their home and business in 2014, taking the lives of Rob and two of their daughters, Tori and Rebekah. Kerry is the founder of Refined Family, which is created to encourage others to find hope in the gospel in the midst of trials.

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